What’s the problem?
What’s the right way to have a man-date?
The dynamics of a friendly relationship between males have always been… quirky, if not tricky. They aren’t complicated, but the rules of engagement are sometimes hard to understand immediately. In recent times these relationships and the dynamics of them have been popularized in hit movies like I Love You, Man and other “bro-mantic comedies” like Pineapple Express and Superbad. Not surprising, considering how funny and completely off the wall a conversation between two men can be.
Below you can find some of the rules of engagement and what to do with them for that integral part of any platonic male relationship. The Man Date.
#1) You aren’t dating.
I don’t care what anyone tells you, a man date is not a date. You never treat a man date the same way you’d treat an actual date. A man date is a hangout session or, for all intents and purposes, a play date. When you were a child your parents probably scheduled play dates for you and another toddler (whether you remember this or not) and on those play dates you did whatever activities were afoot; you ate when you were hungry, and on a successful play date everyone went home happy.
This does not change when you’re an adult. For example, you don’t schedule the hangout session around food. That’s what you do with an actual date. You suggest going somewhere to grab a bite so there is ample time for talking and staring into each others eyes meaningfully… That’s not what we’re after here.
#2) Have an activity be the focus.
All successful play dates and hangouts have something in common. There is an activity or place of activities which anchors the whole meeting. Food is provided as fuel, not a focus. When the activity ends so does the obligation to the meeting but success usually includes add-ons like music or television.
#3) Flexibility is key.
This harkens back to point #1. You are not on a date. There are only two reasons to be very offended. 1) Unless you’re in a position lose money by the other person rescheduling or flaking on you, you shouldn’t be incredibly offended. 2) Unless this person will only reliably show up when they need your help for something, you shouldn’t be incredibly offended.
People get busy. You get busy. Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. If a typical man date falls through the cracks, you don’t get bent out of shape and go home (unless you’re already home). You pick your chin up, open your eyes, and look around to see what kind of fun you can get into. If you’re home that means going out. If you’re out that means staying out. After all, you were looking to spend your time with a friend, so make a new one and have a good time. So you might as well not squander it.
#4) Be yourself.
The whole point of a man date is to have fun. Really, that’s all there is to it. But that is a little hard to do if you’re wound up like a jack-in-the-box from whatever you were doing prior to the man date. This is where an appreciation for beer and other fine spirits comes in handy. They are notorious for loosening even the tightest neckties on the modern office worker bee. You aren’t at home. You aren’t in the office. Start acting like it.
Yes what you do can have negative consequences, so don’t be an @$$. Just drop the pretenses. If you can’t yourself saying “no no I can’t do that” on a man date, ask yourself why. If you don’t actually have a good reason, remind yourself to be yourself.
That’s it! There are many other lessons to learn but that’s all for this article.
